my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
