i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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