I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
