By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
