I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
