I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
