I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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