The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
