How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
