I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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