I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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