he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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