I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
