he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
