It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
