I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
