can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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