my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need to stop coming to work sober
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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