He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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