It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
