mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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