I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
