she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
