nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
