I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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