My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
