he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
