The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
