put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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