he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
