i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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