I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
