i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
