Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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