Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
