i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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