those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
