just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
