i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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