I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just cut my nipple shaving
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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