ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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