What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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