This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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