Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
