he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
