I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
