She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
