is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
