No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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