How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
