they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
