Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
