I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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