He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
