why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
