Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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