PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
