Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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