just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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