Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
