I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
