I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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