I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
