I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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