plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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