I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
