so explain again why im purple
no
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
