Just fell off a train. Bad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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