It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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